- If I'm in a hurry, or broke, I say: "No, sorry".
- If I have time and money, I say: "Sorry, can't give you any cash, but can I buy you something to eat?".
Here are three anecdotes from my experiences using these two comments:
1) As I was walking to a lunch meeting with some colleagues, I was telling them about Socks and Gloves. A homeless man approached us and asked for cash, and I replied "no, sorry". He responded by yelling "No time for the homeless, huh? You hate homeless people, don't you? Nice suit, but no cash to help somebody?" and on and on as we walked away. My colleagues thought this was kind of funny, but it just made me feel sad for the guy.
2) As I'm walking into Safeway, a guy asks me for cash, and I tell him that I don't have cash, but I'd be happy to buy him something to eat, and ask him what he wants. I suggested a deli sandwich, and he replied: "That's all I've had to eat for a week, and I'm honestly kind of sick of them." Then, he kind of hemmed and hawed a bit, and asked: "Would it be too much to ask for some bread and brie cheese, and water?" Then he immediately backed off from that - I distinctly remember him saying something like "sorry, sorry, that's probably not appropriate for me". I assured him that I had no problem with brie and bread. I asked him to come in with me, but he pointed out that Safeway will hassle him if he comes into the store and walks around with me. So, I went in, bought my stuff, and got him some brie, bread, and bottled water. He couldn't believe it when I came out - he was really pleased to have something good to eat other than the deli sandwiches. It was cool - we talked for a few minutes, and just connected as people.
3) Several years ago I would to a particular Starbucks three or four times a week at around 8:00 AM. There was a guy who waited outside this 'bucks every morning, asking everyone for cash. I would always offer to buy him breakfast, and he would always respond, very politely, "No thank you, my belly's full." There came a point where, due to business travel, I hadn't been there in a couple of months. My first time back, before he even asked for change, I said "Hi" to him, and he replied "No thank you, my belly's full". Then he looked surprised, and we both laughed, and ended up chatting for a few minutes.
Just handing over some cash seems like a bad idea for both sides: it encourages the hander to feel like they've done their part (even though they probably haven't really helped, and may have made things worse); and it encourages the handee to think of them as an ATM machine. It means that neither side of the transaction is really thinking about the other one as a person.
If you can give time or money, but not both, I will always encourage you to give time. You can volunteer with us (see this page for more info), or check out some of the groups listed under the "Local Resources" heading on this page. If you want to give money, well, you could help us out (see this page for more info), or again give it to one of those "Local Resources". In other words, when someone asks you for money on the street, you can either say "yes" or "no", but those aren't your only choices for helping the homeless.
I'm curious - how do you respond when asked for cash?
3 comments:
Tyson- Thank you. I think that your examples really helps to illuminate how we have all felt at times. I don't usually give money because for one I very rarely carry cash at all, and most importantly, I am not a fan of begging. I am a big supporter of finding ways to empower people and feed the hungry, etc..., but I don't want to feed someone's addiction so to speak. I usually say "no thank you" and if possible, conversation can be pursued, and I have no problem donig what you do in buying a sandwich, etc... Honestly I try not to use the word "sorry" because I don't need to apologize for not giving money or feel bad when I don't. Sometimes a guilt trip will come along afterwards, but that's just where the person is at and we need to understand where they are coming from.
This makes me think of how great it is to come alongside of a homeless person for the longhaul. Let's get good at developing relationship with people on the streets and finding ways to empower them toward life change. Yes, let's meet temporary needs, but how great it is to go beyond that. And how difficult that is though too.... for so many reasons.
Lastly, there may be times when money is appropriate and conventional wisdom must be set aside. That's how life works, huh.
Ryan
I don't like to hand out cash either it's to easy for that cash to go in the wrong direction and that is the whole journey for me in Socks and Gloves. How can I love my brothers and sisters and not feel walked on and mislead. I also really like how money is devalued in the process. When we all help each other with our resources who needs money?
m
Good words, Ty. Personally, I look people in the eyes when I say no to requests for cash. They thank me for looking at them. I have even had people call out to me after we have parted saying, "Thanks for saying, 'No,' so nicely. At least I know you care!"
I also try to keep a small stash non-cash things available for times when I can't go buy a meal but want to offer something. I've given out $3 - $5 gift certificates to Subway or Baskin Robbins. I've also sometimes carry $3-$5 gift cards from places like Jamba Juice or Starbucks. I used to always have a free laundry coupon from Socks and Gloves to offer, too. For $10 - $15 you can keep a stash of 3 or 4 options of non-cash things to offer. That usually lasts a few months (depending on how often you're downtown or near other places where people commonly ask). Over time the regulars outside your local grocery store or gas station stop asking you directly for cash every time because they remember that you offer them something else. Then they start greeting you and smiling and you can work on a friendship.
I've also learned the personal habit to carry less cash. This gives me the truthful answer to requests for money: I say, "I'm sorry I don't have any extra cash on me." It also helps me to feel less vulnerable - like I have less to"protect" when approached by someone asking for money. People see and hear my genuine answer and don't just think I'm blowing them off and the exchange stays less emotionally charged and more personal.
Ann
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